buddhist baldwin

When something makes me happy I obsess about it. Tennis, music, movies, food, farts, poop humor, you name it. If I like it I cannot stop myself from letting these things completely take over my life. Perhaps it's OCD, I’m not sure. I play 6 hours of tennis on weekends, I have around 3,000 songs in my computer, I fart and laugh as much as I can and I am banned from even uttering poop stories around my friends. I believe they are kind enough not to let my obsessions take over and completely alienate me from the rest of sane society.

Last tuesday I got a new toy that I cannot stop messing with. It rules. I cannot put it down for the life of me. Meet Baldwin. It’s a squeaky buddhist monk.. and he rules! He hardly does anything but I have been trying to make him do a little hardcore buddhist dance. Yes I am a lonely sick man. Whatever. It's horribly cute and he goes well with traffic sitting with his espresso like a little dashboard toy.

I took him out with me to a friend's house and it was a hit. Everyone wanted to talk to him and touch his little head and hear him squeak. It’s a wonderful tool to distract a party so you can stuff your plate without people staring.

This little buddhist baldwin is a real hit. Maybe I should get a monk outfit. Then I am going to bust it out this weekend. And I could care less what everybuddhistbody might think. Busting out in a monk outfit shall separate the men from the boys.

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So now you can see my obsessions are not healthy. Perhaps I need a new hobby.

massshin'tatoes

As part of my goal to improve my kitchen skills, I’ve decided to really dedicate myself this time and I made something awesomely delightful this morning. I mashed potatoes. It's easy and dumb and I don't care because my potatoes kicked ass! From this moment on it'll be known as massh'kintatoes. She kicked so much ass that I am writing about it here and after that I am messaging everyone I know to tell them how much its royal mashedness kicked ass. In fact, it was pretty much more than ass kickerin, it was an epic of kickalicious deliciousness. With a taste of my potatoes, all the girls that I have not been with yet will throw themselves at me knowing that I can make this dumb delight and take their taste buds to an ecstasy. Beat that Bobby Flay!

recycling ignorance

Kids, recycling is a big part of the on-going green revolution. It refers to the process of making use of something useless like taking glass bottles to your local bottle bank, taking unwanted clothes to your local charity shop.. all these are great ways to get involved with recycling.

However, recycling is not always best. Sometimes it takes the hard reality of facts to spur us into thinking, and realize that sometimes, recycling has odd consequences for us. Exhibit A:

In case you needed some more concrete reasons to understand what am I saying as to why recycling is not always a good thing to do, this shall clear your arguments as for why we shouldn't always recycle our waste.. the country's waste I'd say.

I guess we all know by now that finding examples of such political ignorance is like shooting a fish in a barrel. Kids, don't be dumb. Campaign for good leaders. Any casual mentions or cute chats will do. Get involved! We can no longer afford to have kids who respond with a blank-eyed huh to political talks.. such ignorance is a civic disaster in the making. Goodnight and God bless this ass kickin country.

movin out

Yes finally I'm moving out into a very scary and exciting independence. I've already found a place down south and this is really happening. I'll be in the neighborhood where fancy people pay toll and suffer from horrible highway traffic.

I guess I’m leaving behind a comfort zone, a relatively pampered lifestyle.. such as: the fact that I have very little money is balanced by living with my family, not paying for electricity or food or rent and drive a generously fueled car.

I’m absolutely overwhelmed and floating along this idea. Still waiting for things to sink in. The act of moving really lets you take stock on what you do have in life. I can say I have full control to change any situation in my life now, which I believe is the greatest luxury everyone has.

So when people ask me why I have to move out despite the economical crunch of it all, I always say it's near work. And yeah I haven't mentioned that I might start working soon, perhaps. But I always knew that's partly the reason. Well I always thought that part of growing up is getting your own place. You plan your own life from going to college to applying for a job. Then eventually you want to get your own place and deal with adult responsibilities like bills and budgeting.

So now I need to put my entire life (well, maybe only the very essential bits of it) into boxes. But packing is a bit intimidating that I just want to throw everything in. Never thought it would be this hard that I’m drinking an insane amount of water to somehow work with the oral fixation to help ease the stress.

Now my hinges are coming loose in the sight of all this packing and planning that must be done. But I know it’s going to be worth it. I just need a little more strength to see this through. Perhaps I shall be back once the dust settles in my new place. Roll on soon.

finding neverland

The past few days I feel like I'm in weirdtown that I find everything to be gray, nothing to be interesting and pretty much blaze about everything. Whatever frolicking inspiration I have has left with Ondoy and Pepeng. I think somebody has cut off my balls when I was asleep. It seems like my sack is chained up somewhere with all of my other talents and expectations.

So instead of doing interesting things, like going out to drink heavily, I'll repute on actually trying to write something of substance. To further my lack of finding anything inspiring, tonight I am going to read a book.. or at least try to. I might top it off with a viewing of Finding Neverland. I might even bake some cookies and knit myself a sweater after. My apologies for sounding like cry baby bitch. I expect a full recovery after this weekend.

epic of ondoy

Brothers and sisters, today we made history. Our generation broke the record for the highest 24-hour rainfall in Metro Manila in a span of six hours. Mother nature is finally taking her revenge through Ondoy. Ah shit.. if humans are assholes, Ondoy, you're the biggest motherhumper and the godfather of all assholes. This isn't funny. Tomorrow we shall cut trees and plug in all our electronics. Fuck you Ondoy. Enjoy your weekend everyone.

shark you!

Today NGC had a story about a giant fish being caught. It was a huge sonuvabitch shark. I was watching as the shark was hauled up from the water with a bunch of rope in front of an adoring crowd. All I could think of is if I were a shark I would EAT MORE PEOPLE.

YES. Humans are assholes. You don’t see a bunch of sharks cheering when a limb of a surfer is bitten off. Sharks don’t make a big deal about it they just chomp and leave. I really felt bad for that shark. She looked so hurt and sad. She’s not a monster, she’s just a fish. All she was doing was being a shark and having lunch.

To all of you cheering the murder of this glorious fish be scared, payback's a hellamotherfucker. I’d stay out of the water if I were you. I heard they are expanding to the shore. This shark’s asskickin family is waiting for you. They want to eat your legs and arms and face leaving you a faceless human meat for other idiots to point and laugh at.

The shark would leave your ears so you could hear all the laughter at your expense. And probably save your right eye as well to see the flashes of feasting photographers to sell your shot in a magazine. Doubt it? Well, there's a reason sharks have been around for millions of years and will be around longer than our asses. They’re smart and cunning and they don’t need a crowd of cheering idiots to do some shark damage.

dos chicas

I’ve come to realize that some girls don’t hold their alcohol well. Well, some do – but most don’t and these girls were in the "don’t" category.

For whatever reason writing here has become low on the priority scale. I have hated sitting infront of my computer this week. I've just spent more time hanging out with actual people. On a good note I saw two chicas making out this week. The other one was cute, but bitchy-looking and the other was relatively hot. Anypoop the night started something like this:

I was at a near pub in Katipunan for what seems like our tradition. There was a UFC match on TV that no one seems interested in. I started drinking alone while watching the place gets crowded early and my friends were still trying to make their way through the shitty weather to get there from work. So I was forced to keep myself entertained with the constant head turns and flow of beers into my system. That is until these seemingly cute girls in soccer team uniforms who are at this bar quite often started rushing their umpteenth beers.

All of a sudden the flirting amongst themselves begins. I’ve caught them openly making out at their table just like the Katy Perry song. So I promptly sign to my beer buddies who just arrived so we all can get a good laugh out of it. But it turns out that all of a sudden everyone in the pub's trying to see where this is going to go. Well nothing makes up for bad tv like two drunk chicas making out.

We keep cheering them to ourselves to keep on drinking so that the night can be a good one. I knew everyone in the pub was picturing these two girls making out and somehow an illogical idea that they would somehow be part of a threesome. Every guy was wishing, praying, hoping and believing for a touchdown.

Me and my friends have stick it out for a long time. But nothing had happened when we had to leave the bar. Sadly, the night was just meant to be a one big tease filled with the hopes of desperate guys. It was quite the bummer.

potty mouth

I am happy at the amount of traffic I get on this site. Some of you are my friends, who I believe are forced, a lot of you are strangers and a lot of you are probably just curious little internet apes. But what is more surprising to me is the funny R rating I got for this blog. Likewise, looking at the statistics and words used in order to rate this page is weirdly amusing.

So how did I bring this R rating upon myself? "This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words: *poop(4x) *bitch(3x) * ass(2x) * death(1x)"

So may I ask you, does this blog really contains very strong language? I mean, pooop? really?? I don’t think I have mentioned poop and ass in a long time, yet that’s how I got a hardcore R for this blog. These words brought a bloody red censorship to my sweet little youthful site. I am honestly not sure how I feel about all this R-rating but it is what it is and it is proof that I am a dirty bastard (at times). So kids if you're under 18, you might need parental permission before.... oh fuck it.

Just another thought, what if I double the use of these words, what rating could I knocked myself into?

phlegm donor

It's confirmed. I'm a carrier monkey. A goober. A germ donor. A mucus faucet. A phlegm hocker. I am ill. I am really ill. Like for real. And it's just lovely being home. Maybe it's the weather. So I'll be spending the day on the sofa, in my ass kicking bachelor PJs, watching a lot of comedy teenpic DVDs and drinking more lemony juice.

The DVDs I have lined up for today's viewing are Ferris Bueller's Day off, Risky Business, Back to the Future, and Bring It On (well there's just nothing better than watching prepubescent girls jumping around in cheerleading outfits), and currently making my way streaming the US Open as I type this so again, apologies if I get confused at any point while blogging.

My brain is 90% phlegm so zero interesting thoughts shall happen today. Likewise, I'd rather leave the blog here. Roll on soon.. need to get more kleenex.